*The following post is to be read in your best British nature documentary narrator voice.*

As the pregnant female steadies her swollen belly with her hands, she inches her way, crab-like on her back, toward the edge of the bed. Thus begins her laborious journey toward the lavatory for the fifth time this night. As she wobbles precariously to her feet, she groans in jealous derision at the peaceful snoring of her mate who remains slumbering comfortably in a tussled nest of linens.

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