Yeah, yeah, yeah. The book already has two sequels; 50 Shades Darker and 50 Shades Freed. But as a writer, I feel a compulsive need to offer some creative suggestions for the second film should they decide to stray from the book plot. Or heck, maybe E. L. James will write a fourth book, and she can incorporate some of my ideas in that!

50 Shades of Gay
After seeing a therapist to confront his abusive nature, Christian Grey realizes that the reason he enjoys roughing up women is because he actually doesn’t like women … at all …

60 Shades of Grey
Now in their 60’s, Ana and Christian are senior citizens. They decide to start a new business venture in hair products, and launch a trendy line of dyes ranging in hue from Barely Grey to Not Quite Black.

50 Shades of White … & Wong
After Christian Grey tragically dies whilst choking on a feather boa, Ana finds herself alone and vulnerable. By the second chapter, she’s trapped in a love triangle with business executives and jettsetters, Mr. White and Mr. Wong. It’s a classic tale of the battle between good and evil, light and darkness, White and Wong. Who will she choose? … or will she?

50 Shades of Grey Matter
Ana gets tired of putting up with Christian’s abuse, and brains him with a marble paperweight that looks a lot like James Earl Jones’ head. Stumped as to what to do with the body, Ana roasts Christian’s remains and eats him alongside some fava beans and a nice Chianti. She then uses his bones to construct a unique DIY coffee table and posts photos on Pinterest.

50 Shades of Green
Christian is befuddled as to why Ana continues to take his abuse, until he wakes up from a drug induced coma in an alien spaceship surrounded by small green men in white lab coats. One of the aliens, a research scientist named Paco, reveals that he played the part of Ana in Christian’s unconscious delusion of having a life. After abducting Christian, Paco and his team were conducting research, hoping to discover the extent of mankind’s capacity for narcissism. They found it to be … unfathomable.

Cat in Glasses 500

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