The Mona Lisa, by Leonardo da Vinci

Scholarly art researchers at The Louvre museum in Paris have come upon a startling discovery. While studying Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci’s famous work, the Mona Lisa, they noticed what appears to be a complex code or diagram. In the texture of the painting’s surface are recurring imprints that could not have been created using a paintbrush, knife, or other art tool known to be utilized by artists during the early 1500’s. In fact, researchers are stumped as to what could have possibly made the marks.

“The imprints seem to form an intricate pattern, or code, across the face of the entire work,” stated Dr. Richard Fuller, who is heading up research on a wide variety of historic paintings at The Louvre. “The overarching pattern created by these mysterious imprints is in fact so complex that it is simply not possible that any one individual on their own could have come up with its design. It’s so intricate that it’s the sort of thing that could only have happened by accident or chance.”

Dr. Fuller’s findings have sparked outrage in the art community, particularly among conservative art traditionalists who claim that Dr. Fuller is attempting to alter history and infringe upon the intellectual property rights of an art master who isn’t around to refute the researcher’s claims.

“It’s just ludicrous,” said Ashley Hokanson, Director of the National Association for the Preservation of Art History (NAPAH). “These supposed scholars have been researching the Mona Lisa for a couple of years, and in that time, they consider themselves qualified to call into question a genius’s lifetime of achievement?”

Nevertheless, Dr. Fuller’s team is adamant that their research is solid and their findings conclusive. The Louvre museum’s board of directors refused reporter’s questions, declining to comment on the growing conflict.

“We have concluded, based on this new evidence,” said Dr. Fuller, “that Leonardo da Vinci never existed. I know it sounds crazy, but there’s simply no way any one artist, scientist, philosopher, or mathematician could have conceived of such a design, let alone created it in a way that – based on our thorough study and tests – is inexplicable. Da Vinci must, therefor, be a mere figment of legend, like King Arthur or Adam and Eve. Possibly, an artist once lived by that name, but his abilities have been embellished over time. The Mona Lisa is very likely the result of a bunch of oil paints combining on a canvas, probably after someone knocked over a painter’s palette or upset a tub of paint bottles. The piece, no doubt, is amazing, but let’s be serious: There’s simply no singular intelligence that could have conceived of – let alone created – something like that!”

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Before you label Dr. Fuller a nut-job, and this article a complete hoax, consider this: Many people have claimed that evolution – an intricate pattern or process found in nature – is proof that God doesn’t exist. If God is the artist, and the universe is his masterpiece, shouldn’t the discovery of an intricate pattern such as evolution logically prove to us that God does, in fact, exist? Just as Leonardo da Vinci’s incredible collection of creative achievements proves he indeed existed, so does the world around us prove that there is an intelligence out there far greater and more creative than our own.

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