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Jennifer Grassman

Recording Artist + Author + Mommy

Month

September 2012

The Butterfly Philosophy

Just a snippet of some song lyrics I’m working on …

Everything you do changes you, changes me, changes everything you think,
What you hope, what you pray, changes everything you do;
who you love, who you hate, what inspires your desire
Lights a fire that burns in the windows of your soul.

Everything you do is a cause, is effect, interweaving through your life,
Through your mind, through your soul, changing everything you do;
how you live, what you say, when you work and when you play
Who you help, who you hurt, who you kill and who you save
Changes you, changes me, makes you captive, makes you free
Alters course, switches gears, sets you off on a new road
That will take you down and either save or damn your soul.

~ Jennifer Grassman, September 2012

How The World Looks From Here: Elowyn Lenore, Born August 26, 2012

BEFORE (August 25):

I felt absolutely horrible, was very swollen (look at my face!!!), and in a good deal of pain the day before she was born. I had a feeling I was going to go into labor soon, so I painted my nails blue (my favorite color) and snapped one last picture of my low, low, belly.

AFTER (August 26):

Sunday, August 26, 3:45 PM. A little miracle. 7.14 lbs, 21″ long.

This is my little Sleeping Beauty, Elowyn Lenore.

~ HOW THE WORLD LOOKS FROM HERE ~

Every morning I wake up to see my little family beside me. Most nights, Elowyn starts out in her bassinet, but consistently winds up in bed with us, since she needs to be fed every two to three hours. She loves to fold her hands up under her face and – at only two weeks – can already roll over onto her side.

She particularly loves hanging out in her Boppy pillow.

She hates taking baths.

She has really big yawns.

She can almost hold her head up.

She loves her daddy.

She is very fond of her big brothers, Mr. Bingley and Shadowfax, and even lets them borrow her bassinet when she doesn’t need it.

She loves sleeping in her car seat and wearing funny hats.

But she does NOT like headbands.

And she loves to talk to her mommy and daddy. Mostly this involves little coos and gurgles and excited wiggles and kicks.

This is the face she made when she heard the neighbor’s dogs barking for the first time:

She’s my little snuggle-bunny!

Why Does God Let Babies Die? Miscarriage, SIDS, and Infant Illness

Miscarriage may seem an odd thing for a mother to ponder after giving birth to a healthy, pudgy, baby girl. And yet, I am confronted with it. I feared miscarriage throughout my pregnancy, even having nightmares about losing baby Elowyn, and here I am blessed with a tiny, gurgling, kicking, and constantly hungry miracle of life.

Two of my dear friends have had very sick infants lately. One baby needed emergency surgery. Another friend – who is without a doubt the bravest woman I know – is enduring pregnancy knowing that her baby has Trisomy 13, a rare chromosome abnormality that will render her baby not “compatible with life.”  She refuses to terminate, because she has faith that God will work all things out in his own time for the good of their young family.

Why does God allow babies to die? Some would say that death is the result of sin. Yet babies are the purest and most innocent of us all. Surely, the death of a child is not punishment for their own sin, or the sin of their bereaved parents. And yet, death is wrong. It is unnatural and unwanted. There is no disputing this.

Here is what I believe:

God loves certain babies so very dearly, that he takes them up to Heaven to be with him before they ever have a chance to suffer the hardships of this world. God does not view death as an end, but rather as the beginning, because death in this world is merely the doorway into his.

For certain little ones among us, God does not hesitate before gathering them up into his bosom. Their souls are too dear to him to be allowed to endure further suffering. He wraps them in his unending love, heals them of all pain and deformity, wipes every tear from their eyes, and assures them of his love and the love of their parents here on earth.

Someday, we as parents, will join those dear little ones who have gone on before us.

That day will surely be the dawn of an endless time of great joy.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

“Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”

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